Decision Time

OK...It's decision time, facebook friends.  I recently received a friend request from a younger sister of an ex-boyfriend.  I LOVED this family like they were my own, but haven't really kept in touch for a couple of reasons.  The obvious is that they are in VA and I am in AL.  Another is that they are super religious.  I am totally fine with that, but (clearly), I have moved away from organized religion over the past 9 years.  I still believe in God, but have no problem admitting I don't believe he has anything to do with our day to day lives.  This is a whole other blog that I would love to write... Anyway- basically, I have become a critically-thinking, gay-loving, equal-rights-supporting, stinking hippie.  This would no doubt be a huge disappointment to them.  I would love to reconnect with this family, but I'm starting to feel a more and more suffocated on facebook, to the point where I don't feel I can be myself.  I'm afraid of who I'll offend, who will judge me, etc.  Does anyone have any wisdom they'd like to share regarding this situation?  I'm not sure how to deal with this friend request and the others I've been getting.  If you're my friend on facebook then you need to/already know a few things: 

1. I like to curse.  I have the ability to express myself without using the word fuck, but sometimes I just don't want to.  Perhaps I was originally adopted from a family of sailors.  Regardless, that is who I am.  I don't cuss around the kids (well, I do my best), but guess what?  They can't read and they're not on facebook.  If you are easily offended by grown up (and even occasional vulgar) words, then maybe I'm not the right friend for you.  

2. Like I said before, I support human rights.  If you are homophobic, racist, or do not believe that all people should have equal rights, then there's a good chance I have already deleted you.  If you are a new friend, look out.  I can agree to disagree on a lot of topics (religion, politics, etc.), but I don't think there's any room to give if you don't believe all people are equal.  That is definitely a deal-breaker for me. 

3. I'm not always right, but I always have an opinion.  It doesn't take 11 years of higher education to be able to think for yourself, fact check, and use common sense, but 11 years just happens to be what I'm working with.  I am highly annoyed (ok, let's face it, I'm down right enraged) by people who blindly follow, believe, and repeat completely preposterous and fact-less information.  If you believe the ignorant bullshit spewed by Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, or you support Michelle Bachmann, or you thought for 30 seconds that Sarah Palin was in ANY way fit to run our country, then I am probably going to have words with you at some point.  Like I said before, I do have friends with opposing views on religion and politics, but I have also deleted people who post racist remarks about our President.  Just because your pastor told you something, or your buddy who heard it on right-wing radio, it doesn't make it true.  I digress.  

The family of my friend-requester is ULTRA-conservative and mostly likely against everything I stand for (she's still young- maybe 13-14?).  This doesn't mean that I don't still love them, but I am just at a loss.  Suggestions are welcomed...

Getting jacked at the park (well, almost), the weak gazelle, and things my Dad used to tell me.

My daddy always told me to trust my instincts- "if something doesn't seem right, it probably isn't," he used to tell me.  Yesterday, those words came in handy....

So, about 10am I took all of the kiddos to a park near the house so Cash could play and I could feed Max and Leo their bottles.  Nothing seemed out of the ordinary when we got there, although I’m always a little disappointed so find the parking lot empty when we pull in.  I have always been a pretty serious worrier, and since Max and Leo came along, I feel like an injured gazelle when I’m alone with them.  When it was just me and Cash, while I was busy planning escape plans in my head like a freak (you know you do it too), I knew I could just snatch him up and run if I needed to.  Having 3 kids has seriously handicapped these psychotic escape plans.  

Let me take a minute, while I’m already off the subject, to say that I have done this my entire life.  Who knows when it started (or why), but I always run completely absurd scenarios through my mind just so I’m prepared if one of them actually comes to fruition.  For example, when John and I lived in the little cabin in the woods I was prepared to sneak into the dryer in our closet if someone broke in while I was home alone.  I had run the scenario through my head a million times and I was ready- after all, hiding under the bed is like a recipe for a bad horror movie and who cares I had never completed a dry run to see if I could actually fit into the dryer.  I digress.  Anyway, I say that to say this- I try to be mentally prepared for situations like what I’m about to describe, but like I said, being the chick with all the kids has put a kink in how flawlessly I envision myself fleeing from danger.  

Back to the story.  So, we moseyed all the way to the jungle gym farthest from the car- Cash on foot and Max and Leo in their stroller.  Cash was playing at the top, deciding which slide to go down, when I first saw them.  One of my first thoughts was “thank God they’re not black guys.”  I was already thinking about how I was going to tell John about the shady dudes I saw at the park and I was thankful that I didn’t have so sound like one of those scared white girls who is afraid of the “big black guys.”  Hopefully that came out right.  Anyway, I instantly had a bad feeling about them.  By the way- profiling makes me sick.  I am so annoyed when people make assumptions about people because of their age, how they are dressed, the color of their skin, etc., so I didn’t immediately jump up and run away.  But, I’m not stupid, so I kept my eye on them.  As they approached the bridge that would lead them closer to me, I realized that they were watching me as much as I was watching them.  This is when I knew they were up to no good.  I knew they were too close for me to gather my 40 kids and make a run for it (weak gazelle) so I mentally prepared for plan B.   I took my rings off and put them under Max (don’t judge me, I’ve already had them stolen once…), and I took my phone out of the diaper bag.  Now the question was, do I call the police or John?  I called John (again, not wanting to be the irrational profiler), but he didn’t answer.  By this point they were about 100 ft from me so I didn’t have time to look like I was frantically trying to call someone, so I pretended John was on the phone and I waited for his voicemail to pick up so I could tell him where I was (you know, in case I came up missing- duh).  I pretended not to be overly concerned by their presence, but by this point, they were both staring at me from inside of their hooded sweatshirts, with their hands in the front pocket, holding who knows what.  My brain was busy (futilely) steamrolling through escape scenarios.  As they passed me, they walked so close I could have easily touched them.   My heart was now at gallop pace.   I continued to pretend to be on the phone and I began pivoting so my back was never to them.  They stared me down the whole way and continued to look back at me as they walked away.  Right about this time John called back so I told him what was going on. I still felt uneasy because I couldn't see where they had gone.  I got off the phone with John and called Cash over to start heading back to the car.  Max and Leo were crying, Cash started crying, and I couldn’t move fast enough.  Sure enough, they were right past the spot where they had moved out of my sight, waiting.  I made a beeline for the path as far away from them as I could get, pretty much dragging Cash, who was hysterical because I made him leave the playground.  Thankfully, I had kept my phone out, so I called Michelle and told her to be ready to hang up and call the police when I said the word.  I think they thought I was already on the phone with the police (as any sane person should have been- the adrenaline was clearly clouding my logic) because they started to walk away, toward a gazebo on the other side of the park.  They sat there and watched me as I loaded the kids up in the car- by the way, it’s a good thing they weren’t chasing me- it takes me 10 minutes to pile them all in (injured gazelle…).  In the meantime, a car with 2 women, a toddler, and a baby pulled up so I told them what had happened and then I watched the 2 guys walk out of site.  

When I was safely in my car, I knew I had to call the police to see if they would send a car to patrol the area, so I did.  I gave the best description I could, the 911 operator thanked me, and I met John at another park so Cash could play.  About 30 minutes later, just as we were headed into the other park I received a phone call.  It was the 911 dispatcher calling me back to say that the patrol she sent to check out the park saw the guys, arrested them, and it turns out they had just broken out of the juvenile detention center!  Wow.  I am so thankful I called 911 and I am so glad she called me back.  It reaffirmed that I wasn’t overreacting or profiling.  It made me realize just how strong your intuition can be.  I will be going back to the park soon, but probably not unless there are other people there… safety in numbers- another thing my dad always used to tell me…

If Edward Cullen could read my mind...

...he would probably contact the authorities and have me swiftly escorted to my own personal, padded cell. Lately, it seems, I have more unstable days than stable and I always feel like I'm choking on exhaust fumes as I chase the bus I missed down the street.  If you'd like, I could rattle off a dozen more cheesy metaphors that aptly describe my life (as I see it) these days. 

Anyway, this feels like the right place to pause for a quick intro.  I'm 31, married to the guy of my dreams and mother to the 3 best kids anyone could ask for.  I don't know who actually reads these things, so if you know me, you can fast-forward past the stuff you already know.  John and I met in 2003, fell in love, broke it off with our significant others (in that order), got married, bought a house, had a kid (Cash), then had 2 more kids (Leo and Max).  We have the kind of marriage people should hate us for.  We almost never fight...let me rephrase that, we hardly ever even disagree.  John is my best friend.  We find humor in most of the details of life and often lay in bed talking, convinced that most couples aren't as awesome as us.  To be frank, we think we are the shit. I'm dead serious.  Anyway, we have these 3 freaking adorable kids- Cash is 2 1/2 and Max and Leo are 7 months old.  I don't know what we did right in our lives, but we lucked out with the offspring.  Of course they each have their isms (well, except Leo, who is as close to perfect as they come), but all in all, we have it made. 

Anyway, this whole blog thing was inspired by my friend, Holly, who doesn't even know she inspired me yet.  I read her blog and decided to give it a try.  I'm not going to make a frilly, fancy page anytime soon, because I want to find out if this whole blog thing is going to "take" before I invest that kind of time.  Also, because every time John and I make a major purchase toward a hobby, whatever it is, we never do it again. Anyway, I'm rambling...

I think I'll keep it relatively light in this, my very first blog.  I was saying earlier how my life is unstable these days, but I'd like to think that no matter who you are, that you're life would be unstable too if you had 3 kids under 3 and were naturally scatter-brained, unorganized, overly emotionally-dependent, and completely inefficient at most things.  In the process of becoming a wife and mom, I have totally lost myself.  Not in a completely Debby-downer way, but truthfully, I a'int who I used to be and I ain't who I thought I'd be.  I'm sure I'll bore you with the details along the way, but my hope (in all its grandeur) is that writing a blog will help me reclaim some of that girl I used to be.  I already have the itch to start blabbing about everything I'm passionate about, things that piss me off, and complete random nonsense, too.  Anyway, wish me luck.